True, this day isnt much different from my other recent numb days, but at last I feel something. There is spinning within me. I caught hold of the pain and let it wash through me, to be release in tearful bursts. I admit, I have never done so much of nothing in my life, but I feel these wounds healing and slowly I will come out of this rejuvenated. I am clearer today than other days. I've done less, but feel more alive. I've been sending love to my icy demons, and giving up the casting-out-love-fight. I have not lost track of beauty through tragedies. I do not brood on the pains of the past. They've been flooding in to be dealt with one by one, each in it's own difficult way. to recognize and overcome and shout out my determination to no longer be ruled by these blocks...I feel more real than ever. These great gaps in the lessons are finally being fully taught. To make peace. to find forgiveness in the loss of hope for a better past. I am stepping forward. i had to be stagnant in my body for a while, without distractions, to see things for what they are. This is only a means to an end for a beginning.